I have a follow up with the Rheumatologist on Thursday.............of course it's on the SAME DAY that I'm supposed to have an all day professional learning day with another teacher and the school's ILT. Although I am sure she won't be happy that I'm missing half of it, my health comes first. I've been reading a lot about Systemic Lupus, which is the type that I might have.......I'm going with MIGHT until I get verification from specialist, and it looks like I have to look forward to a lifetime of maintenance meds and lifestyle changes. That's fine, I can DEAL with that if I actually begin to FEEL better. What I can't deal with is feeling like I'm walking through quicksand every single day, being so exhausted that I can't enjoy any of the things that I used to, and hurting so much that the possibility of every being active again seems like it will never happen. I just want to feel normal. Fortunately, I have wonderful friends and family who will support me through this journey. I will admit that I was a bit frustrated with my mom last night. I know she means well, BUT it seems like every single time we discuss this, it turns into a pissing contest of who feels the worst. Seriously?? I'm JUST venting and trying to process all this and I really just need her to LISTEN!! She also told me that she "didn't think it was a healthy attitude to automatically assume that I HAVE Lupus." This statement really ticked me off since I am NOT assuming anything, I sat in my DR's office and went over the test results with her! I think I am being very realistic, gathering information and thinking about the changes I will have to make to my life. Also part of the way I process things like this is by talking about it! I literally make connections and have the ability to see the "big picture" as well as the details more easily through TALKING!! GC!! Just let me TALK already!